In a committed partnership?
Thinking of moving in together?
Considering marriage?
Pre-Marital Counseling
Right now, your relationship is in a good place.
Marriage looks a lot different than it did generations ago. How do couples have stability AND life long romance? Is that even reasonable?
Similar to couples counseling, in premarital counseling you will explore strengths and opportunities. As a therapist, I act as a guide to support your feelings of excitement and security in your choice to take the next step.
Taking another person’s needs and desires into consideration while honoring your own can be tough at times. Premarital counseling optimizes each person’s ability to have a relationship that meets their needs while still maintaining personal passions and interests.
Premarital counseling can also help to identify possible growth areas for the relationship. Previous relationship challenges and unresolved childhood issues can weigh down an otherwise healthy relationship. This non-judgemental therapy space can be the place to experience a new type of honesty.
Goals of premarital counseling
To communicate about challenging issues proactively and effectively
To resolve conflict successfully and respectfully
To create and stick to a financial plan
To agree on role responsibilities and expectations
To nurture your friendship and sexual relationship
To maintain appropriate boundaries with extended family and friends
To envision and accomplish your individual and shared dreams
To find a healthy and happy balance between marriage/family, work, sex life, and self
Premarital counseling is different from couples therapy and marriage counseling in that it is a preventative process. Even though many of the same core issues are addressed in premarital counseling as in couples and marriage counseling, the focus is on helping both partners to understand, reconcile, and integrate each others views/beliefs/lifestyles. Conflict is minimized and connection is maximized. This is an opportunity.
Is there a “good”way to fight?
Two important theorists and psychotherapists are, John and Julie Gottman. Their scientific research on couples tells us that HOW partners bring up and process conflict is more important and predictive than the fact that conflict exists.
Disagreements and debates are part of healthy relationships. Everyone goes through tough times with the people they are closest to; it is how fast individuals can come back together after a “rupture” that is very important.
Pre-Marital Counseling Addresses Future Conflict
No matter what stage you are in, your partnership(s) can benefit from each person understanding how to fight fairly and honestly. In relationship counseling, clients come to understand what was role modeled in early life and gives them a chance to “unlearn” the more destructive ways to approach differences. Premarital counseling has been shown to be effective at teaching couples to move through conflict in a way that is constructive. This bolsters trust and avoids emotional explosions or feelings of isolation in the future.
Relational Life Therapy Model
Terry Real (therapist, teacher, and founder of the Relational Life Institute-RLT) discusses “relationship empowerment” and the “losing strategies” in the RLT model of couples therapy.
Relationship Empowerment
Communication is a critical component of relationships. Therefore, we will address this from the start in pre-marital counseling sessions. Relationship empowerment asks both partners to verbalize:
This is what I’d like.
Tell me what you’d like.
And tell me what you need from me to help you deliver.
Losing Strategies In Marriage
It’s also important that from day 1 you know some of the pitfalls that can destroy a marriage. As a couples counselor, I help you look at these head on. We’ll discuss the Losing Strategies in Marriage (Terry Real of Relational Life Therapy):
Needing to be right.
Controlling your partner
Unbridled self-expression
Retaliation
Withdrawal
Sound familiar? Would you like to avoid these conflict strategies in your relationship? Couples therapy and premarital counseling is effective.
Premarital Couples Counseling in the Raleigh/Durham NC Area
Are you ready to get married, but want to be sure you’re starting out with a healthy connection? Premarital couples therapy can assist you learning the best ways to work through disagreements. As an individual, couples, and marriage therapist in Durham, NC I can help you ensure a great start as you take the next step in your relationship. Contact me today to begin premarital couples counseling in Durham.
If you want to create a better relationship or marriage before it starts, try premarital counseling. Invest now and save later.
Other Counseling Services
Looking for help, but you’re already married or have no plans of marriage? I help people navigate a variety of emotional stressors including divorce recovery, coparenting, relationships, differing sexual desires, and marriage counseling. I also offer individual counseling services such as anxiety treatment, help navigating life transitions, and depression therapy in my Durham counseling and Raleigh area office.
919.308.6039
jessica@jrevelscounseling.com